Monday, September 17, 2007

I Am Smarter than Your Kids...

Have you ever gotten that email with the pictures that kids drew and the captions say things like "Oh look, little Rachel drew everyone white - even the rainbow is white (it's on blue paper). Maybe in a perfect world everyone white, isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try Hitler." Yeah, I'm that guy laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor every time it comes through my box.

Which brings me to my point. It's that time of the year where I get 5 folders on my desk daily where some kid is "selling" something. Horsesh$%. Here's one that I got today-
My name is ____ and I am 6 years old and just started kindergarten this year. I love school and my teacher, Mrs. Merle. I'm making new friends and learning lots of new things. My school is having a fundraiser to help raise money for new playground equipment. My goal is to sell 15 items. If you can help me, I would really appreciate it. If not, that's ok too, I understand there are lots of fundraisers out there right now and you probably don't know me, even though you most likely know my mom, ____. If you are able to help, please make your check out to ___. My mom will have to collect the money by Friday, September 21st. Thanks for your time and support!

Names have been removed to protect those that annoy me. Did you notice that this kid has perfect grammar? No run-on sentences and perfect punctuation. Yeah, Junior didn't write this, his mom did (like you needed me to tell you that). What is the kid learning from this? How to say "Mom/Dad, I need something. Can you do it for me?" When I had something like this when I was a kid my parents never took it to work. They made me hit the pavement and pound on doors. That's what I would've done if I hadn't eaten all of my tasty, crispy Nutto bars. When Mom and Dad found out I did that do you think they said "No worries John, we'll pay for it"? You're right. They said "You're going to do extra manual labor around the house and work it off." Crappy stuff. Stuff that I don't even do now to my own house. Luckily my kids will have me.

Here's my plan that I just got through explaining to Shayna-
If they have something like that to sell I'm going to offer them two options - hit the streets and talk to people...or I'll pick them up from school and they can come to my office and walk around to everyone's cubes. Most importantly they'll learn to do things themselves, but better than that they'll be the top salesmen. Why you ask? If some kid came to desk with the folder and said "We're raising money for new uniforms." there's no way I'd be able to check my name on the list and toss it over to Sheryl or Chris or Brooke or whomever. I'd be running to my car to get my Taco Bell change out of my ashtray so I could buy at least one candy bar. You can't say no to a 6 year old standing in front of you asking for money. Even I'm not that much of an a$$hole.

The important thing is they'd learn to be self-sufficient and that's what's lacking in kids today. Mom and Dad do everything for them. They need to ride their bike to football practice or wash and wax the car. I remember one summer my brother and I had to reseal my grandparents driveway in the middle of July. IT SUCKED. But by golly, I got some good character out of it. And I know how to seal an asphalt driveway. Ask how many 13 year olds know how to do that.

p.s. There's an episode of The Simpsons where Grandpa is writing the president and says "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. p.s. I am not a crackpot." Yeah, I'm thinking after that rant I'll be the youngest person in the home.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop copying other people.


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