Sunday, September 30, 2007

Dallas Schmallas

That sums up how I feel about last weekend.

A few things that Shayna left out-
1. I offered to go back to the car and take the next flight. Probably what we should have done.
2. I watched the 8 year old Friday night and Saturday morning while they were praying for our souls. Two bottles of wine made Friday night easier.
3. And probably the most annoying thing that was out of our control. The security guard did a good job keeping unruly fans out of our section. Before the show we told him how we hate it when people come running down thinking it's their God given right because they have reserved seats. He said he'd keep people out but at the encore everyone would come down. We both just shrugged it off thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. We were wrong. Everyone, and I mean everyone, all 2000 or so in the lower section, came *rushing* down. It was insane. I said to the security guard "What the hell is this?" "Sorry, it's up to the band." No, it's not. I cite Hartford 2005. After that I'm pretty sure the band said "We'd really like it if you wouldn't rush the stage." So I call bullshit Mr. Security Guard. So Shayna and I start to walk off and then he says "I can get your seats back if you want." Sure, why not. I'd love to sit in my now $300 seats. He tells the girl who is now there to move. Hehe. Then, hehe, she has the audacity to say to me "You didn't have to get the guard. I would've moved." Seriously? You come running down here even though you're supposed to be 6 rows up, take my seat, then tell me I didn't have to tattle? WHATEVER. I am so over this place. After tolerating being pushed around and packed in like sardines we decide to go about 10 rows up. I stop by the girl and say "Hey, you can have our seats now." "I'm just saying I would've moved." "Yeah, whatever. Do you want our seats or not?" Ed. note: this is not the same girl Shayna saw out front, even though she sounds exactly like her. "No, it's cool. I just don't see why you got the guard." OMG. BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T YOUR SEATS!!! And I'm through talking to an airhead such as yourself. Maybe if you're lucky Dave will go home with you, you wacko.

We left about one minute into American Baby Intro. Luckily the next song was Watchtower. I've only heard that song, let's check the stats over at - an astounding 23 times!! Add in the live releases such as Listener Supported et al and I'm probably up to 27 or so. Yeah, that song and Jimi Thing (without guests) I'm content with going to the bathroom. But songs that I'm ok with going to the bathroom during is a whole 'nother blog (get it? Texas is like a whole 'nother state. Ha!).

So that was the last straw for me. Sunday was nice because we were up for 2 hours and then on our way back to KC. Starplex we hardly knew ye.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I Am Smarter than Your Kids...

Have you ever gotten that email with the pictures that kids drew and the captions say things like "Oh look, little Rachel drew everyone white - even the rainbow is white (it's on blue paper). Maybe in a perfect world everyone white, isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try Hitler." Yeah, I'm that guy laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor every time it comes through my box.

Which brings me to my point. It's that time of the year where I get 5 folders on my desk daily where some kid is "selling" something. Horsesh$%. Here's one that I got today-
My name is ____ and I am 6 years old and just started kindergarten this year. I love school and my teacher, Mrs. Merle. I'm making new friends and learning lots of new things. My school is having a fundraiser to help raise money for new playground equipment. My goal is to sell 15 items. If you can help me, I would really appreciate it. If not, that's ok too, I understand there are lots of fundraisers out there right now and you probably don't know me, even though you most likely know my mom, ____. If you are able to help, please make your check out to ___. My mom will have to collect the money by Friday, September 21st. Thanks for your time and support!

Names have been removed to protect those that annoy me. Did you notice that this kid has perfect grammar? No run-on sentences and perfect punctuation. Yeah, Junior didn't write this, his mom did (like you needed me to tell you that). What is the kid learning from this? How to say "Mom/Dad, I need something. Can you do it for me?" When I had something like this when I was a kid my parents never took it to work. They made me hit the pavement and pound on doors. That's what I would've done if I hadn't eaten all of my tasty, crispy Nutto bars. When Mom and Dad found out I did that do you think they said "No worries John, we'll pay for it"? You're right. They said "You're going to do extra manual labor around the house and work it off." Crappy stuff. Stuff that I don't even do now to my own house. Luckily my kids will have me.

Here's my plan that I just got through explaining to Shayna-
If they have something like that to sell I'm going to offer them two options - hit the streets and talk to people...or I'll pick them up from school and they can come to my office and walk around to everyone's cubes. Most importantly they'll learn to do things themselves, but better than that they'll be the top salesmen. Why you ask? If some kid came to desk with the folder and said "We're raising money for new uniforms." there's no way I'd be able to check my name on the list and toss it over to Sheryl or Chris or Brooke or whomever. I'd be running to my car to get my Taco Bell change out of my ashtray so I could buy at least one candy bar. You can't say no to a 6 year old standing in front of you asking for money. Even I'm not that much of an a$$hole.

The important thing is they'd learn to be self-sufficient and that's what's lacking in kids today. Mom and Dad do everything for them. They need to ride their bike to football practice or wash and wax the car. I remember one summer my brother and I had to reseal my grandparents driveway in the middle of July. IT SUCKED. But by golly, I got some good character out of it. And I know how to seal an asphalt driveway. Ask how many 13 year olds know how to do that.

p.s. There's an episode of The Simpsons where Grandpa is writing the president and says "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. p.s. I am not a crackpot." Yeah, I'm thinking after that rant I'll be the youngest person in the home.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It's not just good, it's Sonic good!

I took Shayna to the airport last night and by the time I got back to our neck of the woods it was around 6 and I didn't feel like cooking when I got home. So I went to Sonic. I asked for a #5 and the guy kept saying something about popcorn chicken. Seriously, this went on for about 5 minutes. He finally gets the order and asks what I'd like to drink. Ice water please. Sorry sir, we can't do that with a combo meal. Huh? I want ice water instead of a sugary drink. Why is that so difficult? Rather than go Larry David on his ass I just chuckled and said Sprite is fine. It's ridiculous that some places are anal like that. Anyway...

We've started calling bad drivers schmohawks. Watch the season premiere of Curb Your Enthusiasm and you'll know what I'm talking about. And now, on to my sloppy joe and Mondavi sauvignon. Whiskey tango much?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The One Where Rachel Smokes

I'm beginning to know how Rachel felt in that episode of Friends where her boss and coworker smoke, so she goes outside with them and pretends to smoke. Yes, I know Rachel and her peers are fake, however it seems everyone, and I mean everyone, in my department smokes.

Yeah, I smoke too, but I've gotten to the point where it's when I have a drink in my hand. Yeah, some of you might be saying "Ha! That's all the time with you!" I'm not Meredith - filling up my Taco Bell cup with gin and tonic. Anyway, back to the story - I always see these herds coming back upstairs and I feel like I'm missing out on getting to know my new coworkers because I don't smoke at work and either they never have happy hours or just don't invite me. I really hope it's the first one.

Just had to clean the air on that subject. Heh.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Expect the Unexpected

Not at a DMB show anyway. Don't get me wrong, Tuesday's show was a-ok in my book but it seems the past few years they play the same songs every tour. It's like they make a list of 30 or 40 songs and say "These are the only ones we're playing this summer." Like Pay For What You Get or #34, they played the heck out of a couple years ago. You Never Know is another song they should play at least 2 or 3 each leg. Anyway, we still have Dallas to go so hopefully I'll get my Sweet Up and Down there.

As for BB8, the more and more I watch the more and more I want the Donatos to get evicted. Maybe it's because they're playing the game so well. On the one hand I want to say Jessica made a mistake not nominating/backdooring them. On the other hand though, it was still kind of early to make that move and she would've put a target on herself. Bottom line, regardless of the first eviction Thursday, Eric needs to step it up a notch and win HOH. If Jessica's out, nominate Dick and Danielle. If Jessica's in, nominate Dick and Danielle. At this point in the game I'd trust those two as far as I can throw them.

And let the record show I'm a Jokers Updates guy myself. The wife prefers Morty's. I'm off to see if the Royals can split the series with the Twinkies.